I am afraid I have fallen in love with my vibrator.
Loving masturbation over sex with someone else because the only one else is you?
Our writer asked the internet ‘If you could have a boyfriend as a vibrator, would you?
I am struggling a lot at the moment and I have become aware that it is a condition of post-traumatic corona; that I have come to prefer my own touch than anothers.
Corona and all that waiting around meant that you had to either face the wall and wait, or come to know yourself and how you work a little more. For me, I learned to touch myself, wade through my own sensitivity and traumas and come out the other end with red cheeks and a smile. However, now I am afraid. I am afraid I have fallen in love with my vibrator.
I have slept with some men, now the lockdown has come to an end. But nothing has tasted better or felt more visceral than being able to fall out of bed, reach into a drawer and get into bed again. Doesn’t talk back. I can push all the buttons. Certified and professional lover always by my side. Maybe I have become now too picky. Or just picky enough.
If you think about the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. The story goes that Goldilocks goes into a house and tries three variants of porridge and all are ‘too warm’ or ‘too cold’ or ‘too gloopy’. Then she finds the one that is ‘just right’ and right this moment she finds intense satisfaction. I am Goldilocks.
But aren’t I too young to find the ‘just right’ and won’t I feel ‘too alone’ with it being just being ‘me and the vibrator’. Will the vibrator care for me when I am old and withered? Will it wash the bits I can’t get too? Will it watch the Sopranos with me every 5 years? No. The answer is a no, and that answer gives me no relief. So I began to conduct research into the reliance on ‘self-masturbation’ and whether people have become reclusive or more inclined to just pleasure themselves. Surely it’s less exhausting than all this ‘romantic small talk’ before. Straight to dessert.
I asked the internet ‘If you could have a boyfriend as a vibrator, would you?
The answers are as follows:
Maria: ‘Maybe if he/she has good advice, don’t judge a vibrator by its cover’
Natraxel: ‘Talking optional’
Howard: ‘Yes’
Tonaz: ‘Considering my experience with men, my vibrators don’t even need to talk to be my boyfriend’
But the most interesting one, of course, was the one that described exactly what the vibrator cannot do.
Rattini wrote ‘But what about the cuddles and caresses’.
This is something I have avoided thinking about. The feeling of touching someone else is something the vibrator can never fulfill.
We live in a fast-paced world and often just lying in bed and waiting for a while to achieve climax but doing it in the way that results in dimensions of feeling, is something the vibrator can never do. Sunday softness. Naked sheet stealing. Watching a human sleeping. Vulnerable kisses and all the naughty things that come. Feeling becomes double when you share in it and in my experience a vibrator lacks feeling. It just gives and gives and gives until that red light comes on and say’s ‘That’s enough now girl’, ‘You have used me enough now girl’.
In conclusion; It is all about having a balanced diet, a diet that works for you and one that fulfills you in all the places. BODY, MIND AND SOUL. And ‘who’s to say you can’t have two boyfriends anyway? One on the robotic side and one on the flesh side!
Wanna find your perfect boyfriend?
We recommend the Magic Masturbation Box with an Orgasm-Guide, Lube, Ercotic Audios by CHEEX and the MISS B Vibrator by Fun Factory!
